Cha Cha Cha Charmin
by SeeLJRead
Summary: Edward doesn't even know he's got himself in an embarresing situation until Bella helps out. But all's well that ends well right?  One shot AH


Having worked in retail I've seen it all when come to the attractive male spectrum. I've seen guys who are attractive, guys who are not, guys who would be if they weren't incredibly rude and so on and so forth. But never had I seen a guy quite as attractive as the one who had just passed me as I knelt, restocking books in the mystery aisle, on his way to the restroom.

Now I could lie here and tell you that I did not keep my eye out for this incredibly attractive man. I could but I won't, because I am a woman after all and it is not creeping, it's natural. I watched as he made his way to the aisle across from me. The classics, he was a man after my own heart. So of course I also noticed, once I snapped out of my daydream where I marched up to this beautiful manonly to kiss him senseless, the two girls just a couple of feet from me staring and giggling at the guy.

Now this in and of itself wasn't so strange. What was strange was that they didn't seem to be giggling in an oh-he-is-just-so-cute kind of way, or even an I'm-going-to-be-loud-and-silly-so-he-notices-me way. No they were amused, they were laughing at him. I looked back at him and couldn't figure it out, that is until he turned and I saw his backside.

I wasn't sure what to do. Would it be more embarrassing for him if I did nothing or went over there and offered my assistance, which would certainly be worse for me? That's it! I could offer him my assistance. So I sent a brief prayer to the little baby Jesus lest he grant me some subtlety and passed by the giggling girls as I made my way over to the very attractive male.

"Is there anything I can help you with sir?" I asked as I tried to move my hand undetected to his backside.

Unfortunately he caught the movement and, with a bewildered expression, looked down at my stupid hand. And then we both turned pink as he watched me try to crumple up the stream of toilet paper that had been stuck to his (very nice) bum undetected, well he turned pink and I turned an unflattering shade of maroon.

"That was on my pants, wasn't it?" I nodded. "And that was why those girls were staring and giggling, wasn't it?" I nodded again. "And that was why you came over here, wasn't it?" I sighed…and nodded again. "Well that's embarrassing. I uh…I'm not sure what to say now." I nodded once more and then realized I should say something.

"It's no big deal, I mean of all the embarrassing things to have happen that isn't so bad."

"Oh really, you have a story that can top this one?" He raised an eyebrow in challenge.

"At my last job, foodservice I'll never do it again; I slipped on a stray tomato, next to a customer's table and broke my hip. My manager then ran out and, before calling an ambulance, begged me not to sue the company and make him lose his job. The customer was my lit professor."

"Wow…that is definitely worse. But maybe not as bad as having a really cute Barnes and Noble employee with big brown eyes pick toilet paper off your pants and then reject you."

I felt my eyes grow wide. "Has that ever happened to you?"

"No and I hope it never does." He stood there for a few beats, and I stood there awkwardly, unsure of how to proceed. "I guess that doesn't count huh? Okay…" he glanced down at my nametag and smiled, "Bella, would you like to go to dinner with me tomorrow night?"

"Well I can't very well let you top my tomato story, now can I?" He smiled, and I smiled. "Yes I'd like to very much…guy whose name I don't know."

"Edward, my name is Edward."

Three Years Later

"Edward! What the Fuck happened to our apartment? Seriously it looks like the Charmin bears took over our apartment." Seriously, I go to school and come back to this? Twenty bucks says this involved Emmett. I swear to god Edward's brother is more immature than the eleventh graders at the high school where I student teach. "Edward, I'm serious I'm not helping you clean this up."

There was toilet paper strewn over every surface. It was draped from the ceiling like streamers. The legs of every chair and table in the apartment had been wrapped. It looked like it had snowed TP in our place. Like someone had pulled the ultimate prank on us.

"Lucy, you got some splainin to do!" I shouted in my best Ricky Ricardo voice as I made my way to the bedroom, the last possible place Edward could be.

And there he was kneeling on the ground, surrounded by a ring of rolls of toilet paper and roses and Gerber daisies in vases, with a square velvet box in his hand. Instantly I felt myself tear up and my hands flew up to my flushing cheeks

"I know you, so I know you have something all planned out to say but before you start I want you to know that I'm going to say yes." He smiled and I saw his eyes water too.

"Bella Swan, I love you so much. The first time I met you I knew I wanted to be with you a very longtime. You worked so hard to make me comfortable and while your anecdote helped it was your beautiful blush and the possibility of seeing it again that really put me at ease. I want to spend my whole life with you, I want to see you blush when you're eighty and be able to think, instead of 'there goes my Bella, blushing again' 'there goes my _wife_, blushing again'. You're right baby, I did have something all planned out to say, but I can't remember what it was anymore, I just remember the most important part; Bella, will you marry me?"

"Yes!" I flew into his arms causing him to fall on his butt. I let out a watery chuckle, "I still stand by what I said, and I'm not helping you clean this mess up. Now put it on, put it on!"

He laughed and squeezed me tight. Then he slid on my beautiful, amazing engagement ring that meant I was with him forever.

Two Years Later

I was sweaty, flushed and exhausted. But there were few moment in my life that could even compare to this one. In my arms I held my tiny soft baby girl, Elizabeth Alice Cullen. She was beautiful and perfect and she smelled just…perfect. I looked up from her drooping green eyes into the bright, happy green eyes of her father.

"Do you think she's too tired to enjoy her first ever gift? Should I wait?" The man could hardly contain his excitement. He looked more like his sister now than he ever had.

"Honey, she's an infant. I don't think she'll get more out of it after a nap than she will now."

"Great!" He pulled a gift bag out from under my chair and set it next to me. "I'll let her momma do the honors." I shook my head and his enthusiasm and handed our baby girl to him.

"You have got to be kidding me. Where did you even find this?"

"Bella, you can find anything these days."

"But why would they even- who other than you would buy this?"

"I don't know baby, but you have to admit that a little stuffed Charmin bear is pretty perfect for our daughter." I laughed and shook my head, yes it was perfect.

"You're right," I leaned up to kiss his cheek, "it's the perfect thing for Lizzie."

"And now when she goes to sleep at night we can tell her the story of how daddy embarrassed himself but mommy fell in love with him anyway."

"Hmm…and now not only do they love each other, but they love her very much too." I smiled up at him, feeling very sappy but also like I deserved to.

"That sounds like a very happy bed to me story to me."


End file.
